To Be Sorry
by Trinity Everett
Summary: Just like me you got needs, and they're only a whisper away.' After a fight, is everything lost? Tony/Michelle - post day 4.


**Title: **To Be Sorry

**Fandom: **24

**Characters: **Michelle Dessler/Tony Almeida

**Word Count:** 1,553

**Rating: **PG-13

**Summary:** Just like me you got needs  
And they're only a whisper away

**Author's Notes: **Angst. There's lots of it. Post Day 4. Title and summary used with the greatest thanks to Matchbox Twenty – "Bed of Lies" – because their music has a tendency to just scream Tony Almeida's name to me. Or that could be schizophrenia. ;)

* * *

_"No, Michelle, I really don't think you did."_

Even an hour after they were said, the words still echoed off the walls in the brightly furnished living room, reminding him acutely of the sad, stricken look on her face. She'd recoiled like he'd slapped her, and for just one short moment, he _almost_ wished that he had. A physical blow would be seen and could eventually fade; he wasn't sure if either of them would ever forget the emotional blow of his words as he flung them through the air. Either way, things between them were probably ruined.

_"You don't honestly believe that I didn't agonize over it?"_

_"No, Michelle, I really don't think you did."_

As soon as the accusations were out of his mouth, he wished he could've taken them back. He didn't mean it, not really. His head and his lips had never been very well connected, and there was certainly no filter for tact. In school, he'd been known for blurting out the first thing that came to mind, no matter the level of appropriateness. It always got worse when he was upset; he got mad, he lashed out. There was no one in his life who'd been the recipient more times than Michelle.

_"Well, we can't all be St. Tony, martyring himself again and again for poor helpless Michelle. You think it was easy for me? You don't honestly believe that I didn't agonize over it?"_

It was just a joke, the stupid thing that sparked the entire argument. He made a remark meant to amuse her, she tensed, and instead of letting it go, instead of giving her the same berth he'd been giving her since their reconciliation, he'd pushed just like old times. Then suddenly, she was yelling, and he was arguing right back.

_"You asked for my honesty and I gave it. I want yours now."_

_"Whaddya want me to say, Michelle? You just told me you'd leave me to die all over again. Good to know you give a damn."_

_"Well, we can't all be St. Tony, martyring himself again and again for poor helpless Michelle."_

Down the hall, their bedroom door clicked open – just once, so he knew she'd never locked him out – and he waited to hear where she was going now. He'd been standing in the same spot since she fled the room, but the anger that had seized him so quickly before had left, leaving him feeling like a quivering mess. He'd uncoiled as soon as the slamming door put the final word in.

Her footsteps were soft on the carpet, and she hesitated when she saw him. Even with the five-plus feet of space between them, he could see that she'd been crying. Her eyes were too bright and her makeup was a little too perfect for ten o'clock at night. Her hair was drawn up in a ponytail, lifted off her neck. It was something she did when her temperature rose, usually because she was upset.

She looked across the living room evenly, and he realized when she shifted her weight that she had a bag on her shoulder. Silently they regarded one another, but it was his voice – or at least he thought it was his voice – that broke the quiet.

"Don't leave."

_"So you'd never make that choice?"_

_"I don't, I don't know."_

Michelle was the first to break eye contact, but before she could move, he found the sense to go to her.

"Don't leave," he repeated a more desperate edge to his voice.

"I'll be back tomorrow. I, you probably want some time. I'm probably not your favorite person right now."

Shaking his head, he took the bag off her shoulder and let it fall to the ground with a thump. Wordlessly, she leaned into him, letting him cup her cheeks. Her eyes closed and he saw wetness clinging to those long, dark lashes of hers.

_"I gave it all up you know, the job at Langley, my position at CTU, months of my life."_

_"And I never asked you to! I never told you to put so many people at risk for me! Or to turn down the job at Langley, you did both of those things yourself!"_

_"So you'd never make that choice?"_

He kissed her forehead softly, lips sliding across her brow and down to the curve of her cheekbone. More moisture was pooling just under her eyelashes and he tried to kiss it away.

"I love you, Michelle. Nothing's gonna change that, ever."

"I was scared to do it, you know. I wanted to put you first, but I didn't want what happened to you to happen to me, and I didn't want all those people to die. I'm sorry, Tony."

He knew he should be the one apologizing to her, but instead he just pulled her closer, kissing her mouth gently as his hand cupped the back of her head and kept her close. Her lips were salty, and each new kiss she pressed to his mouth was a little wetter than the one before.

"I shouldn't have said those things," he admitted softly, sliding his arm around her waist. "Not about the jobs, not about anything that happened, and especially not about you." He dropped his forehead onto hers, making sure he had her eyes. "You made the only choice you could live with."

She closed her eyes again, and he knew by her uneven breathing that she was holding back more tears. His arms tightened; he hated making her cry.

"Is that enough, though?" she whispered, blinking up at him. "Can you live with that? Or are you always going to look at me like I don't love you enough?"

When he didn't answer immediately, she stiffened, attempting to pull away. He shook his head rapidly, tugging her back against him.

"I can work past my hurt feelings, Michelle. I will," he amended, brushing his thumb over her cheek again. His lips touched hers gently. "Please don't go," he whispered, pressing his nose against her chin.

Michelle's hand rose, connecting with his and drawing it off her cheek. She squeezed his knuckles.

"I won't."

Pulling her closer, he wondered if that was all it would have taken ten months ago; if she would have stayed had he asked. She probably would have, if he'd made any effort to show her he was still with her.

"But," she continued, pushing on his chest. "We need to do something first: We need to talk about what happened, all of it. Because we never did, and yelling about it doesn't count. We can't just say it's over and move on anymore. We need to really talk. Can we do that?"

He nodded. He'd been hoping that leaving CTU and their old lives behind would be enough, but Michelle was right. They were still hanging onto a lot, and if it was going to work, they needed to do something more.

"We can," he confirmed, knowing she needed to hear him say it. She bit her lip and nodded, pressing her mouth into his shoulder. He squeezed her tightly, closing his eyes and pushing his face into her hair.

"Let's move," he suggested, his voice muffled.

She raised her head, looking strangely serene at his out of place suggestion.

"Can we afford it?" she asked quietly.

"We'll be okay. I want us to do something for each other. And a new town, a new home, a totally new start is it. You're right, we do need to talk and get it all out there, but I wanna get out of here for good too."

He lifted her chin, watching her eyes for the things she wouldn't say. He saw no hesitation, but still he continued.

"Whatever we did or didn't do, however impulsive I was, or more pragmatic you were, I want us to do this now. Will you do it for me?"

She didn't even wait for him to finish, she just nodded. "That and more."

_"Not another crime show, Michelle. Come on, I'm so tired of these things, it's not even funny."_

_"We don't have to watch it, sheesh; it was just the first thing I found."_

_"Yeah, yeah. I know you're just looking for ways to get away with killing me for the insurance money."_

_"Tony-"_

_"Keep trying, sweetheart."_

_"You're being-"_

_"And just FYI, it'll take a lot more than a botched sting to get rid of me"_

_"Cut it _out_!"_

_"Hey, calm down. I'm just playing, Michelle."_

_"I think about it every day, Tony, I don't need you reminding me over and over tha-"_

_"Jesus, Michelle. I was just kidding."_

_"You say something like that every day, though!"_

_"When? When have I said a damn thing about it? In case you've forgotten, _I_ was the one who wanted to let it go."_

_"Have you? You keep making obnoxious, subtle comments. If you've got a point to make, Tony, just make it!"_

"You're sure?" Tony murmured, swiping his fingers across the damp lines of her cheek. "You're absolutely sure? I'm not pushing you into anything you don't want?"

Michelle nodded, tugging his head down to hers and kissing his lips softly.

"I want to."

He smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. "Now, let's talk."


End file.
